Love Venn Diagram Pt. 2

I should call this piece "What if I did?"

Damned if I didn't,

I lost hope in my plan & my mission,

A man with many chances,

And if any chances were to fall,

I would glance hard at all - my petty romances,

Josh makes sense,

But when asked a question,

Shoulders get tense,

And it's on to the next one, which,

Has me thinking about the next one,

A princess was she,

Hair scent was sweet,

Body was petite,

An angel heaven-sent indeed,

Until she found me,

Down the block & up the street,

At the spot where me & her friend would meet,

At least,

Wherever I was,

I walked ahead of the stars,
Head in the orbit of mars,
Just to cover up the look of my scars,
But she wouldn't push for this love,
And when push came to shove,
I wore my glove in the bed of my beloved and called it love,
And she was the word "dove",
Flying high in the sky,
We would soar by everything and simply wonder why,
Why did I leave?
No text, no call, no sex, as I crawl,
Back to the tattoo that was printed on her sleeve,
But I believe,
In my thoughts as I reflect,
On the orgy of naive - me, her, she, and regret.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

"The Somber Side"

~

It has arrived - Joshua's darker days

Funny thing is, no one even new these day were lived.

Not even family.

Time to take a trip to the somber side of my mind....

There's no turning back.

Is there water, which would explain this beautiful reflection?

Or is it a steep fall shielded by a glamorous illusion?

Well I thought it to be a beautiful view of a lake, so I walked closer to the "water".

My mind played a trick on me, or was it my naked eye?

I wonder if I clothed my eye would I then be able to see past reality.

As I got closer to the "water" I tripped over one of life's hurdles and

fell, as I was now apart of a steep fall.

This is where my life begins its detour.

Reality slapped me and opened my eyes to a much darker scenery.

I felt lost, terrified, worried, and even anger was felt.

I tend to think it's the end of the world when the simplest things

happen to me, but this here was not simple in the slightest bit.

So imagine how I reacted.

Abandonment, a sense of aloneness, and the cry of fear was 

heard all around my own little world in my bedroom.

Too bad the door was always closed so nobody could hear or see.

Left with 2 paths to take: Staying positive or having late-night rendezvous

with evil thoughts.....

I chose to flirt around for a bit.

Oddly gorgeous, right?

But it scared the living daylight right out of me, literally.

Psychedelic visions, dreams, and imaginary voices

were some of the effects of choosing to "flirt around".

During this euphoric adventure of mine, I had incredible and intense

dreams - some with messages, some just for pleasure.

One night, all ready to dream beautifully again, my conscience

abused this mental gift and it took a wrong turn.

Under a sweet spell, on my break from reality, I began to dream.....

A nightmare:

I'm randomly in an immense building or factory with 2 of my 3 brothers.

All of a sudden, a screeching loud alarm goes off and we're told to

evacuate because a huge hurricane was heading our way.

People were rushing out of this building so fast, so I looked back to find my brothers.

I only saw one.

I began to panic and told my youngest brother to stay right here

and don't move.

I promise you I'm coming back.

I ran to find my other brother, sprinting up staircases and staircases,

until I reached the top floor.

I couldn't find him.

So I leaped from the platform to a tall pole.

The distance between the platform and this pole had to be about 10 yards.

I made it to the pole and climbed to the top of it.

I slowly and carefully turned around to get a better view

of the building, still in search of my brother.

Then, I saw a gigantic screen hanging from the ceiling.

The screen had a little weather ticker at the bottom

of it like most news stations have when something tragic

has happened.

This is what it read, "List of people deceased: Tommy Jackson,

Charles Brown, Jared Stowers, Vincent Lopez.

My missing brother's name is Jared.

I began to tear up heavily, crying out and shouting the Lord's name

in anger. I said, "Jesus Christ why didn't you take me? It's not fair. I will

die for any member of my family. Why would you take him? I guess I'm supposed to

move on and maintain faith, right?"

I climbed down the pole and ran back to my youngest brother,

only to see my missing brother standing next to him from afar.

My heart stopped racing and the tears stopped trickling down my face.

I hugged my brother and asked where he was.

He said, "I was looking for you guys".

My brothers and I then left the building together alive.

After the nightmare, I woke up with tears on my pillow.

Who would plant such a terrible vision in my head?

Maybe it was those evil thoughts and my true, inner soul

deflected those thoughts with the good in me.

Possibly, it showed God how I would actually react in a panic situation like that.

I don't know, I can guess at it all day.

Through these images of my mind, months have passed and I 

attempted to "stay positive".

That doesn't mean it was easy.

More time passed and I noticed I still had opportunities to

get out of this sad period in time.

I decided to walk in that little beam of light.

I know, my mind is highly active.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

"The Sunlit Side"

~

As we all know, we go through changes in life - physically and mentally.

I've never been tall but my mind is about 7'2, 330 pounds.

So I've created an illustrative timeline of my mental growth.

These are visions of my brain throughout my years...

And this is "The Sunlit Side" of Joshua...

As a little boy I always thought with such bright colors.
I was a home-bodied kid, meaning I was well sheltered by my parents.
I loved to fit in with the other children but always managed to think of some very different,
complex ways of doing my times tables. Hmm.. odd.

As I grew older into my junior high school days, I had a tighter grip
on who I actually was. In my mind I had found myself. So, I took the mind frame I was
previously in and simply defined it. Still, I wasn't always accepted by a group
of unfamiliar people called "peers" (whatever the hell those are).
Maturity begins its course on my mind.

Throughout high school I decided to switch things up: try a couple sports,
change my wardrobe, even speak a little differently. (I was still my weird self)
I just wanted change. So when one desires a new environment/lifestyle, what is he or she to do?
Instead of drawing my pictures with crayons & color pencils, I switched to the dreaded paint brush.
I received mixed responses to this so-called "change". I don't even think many noticed.
Maturity was placed on hold for an immature change to settle in.

And here I am now, trapped in the ever so clever and well-rooted mind you see here.
It's beautiful isn't it? I just wish others could see it. I went back to my roots (my crayon & colored pencil days)
and threw away that paintbrush, which I eventually saw in the top drawer of my dresser a year ago.
But that's another story. (Part 2?) Anyway, I picked up some great hobbies.... one of which
you have a front row seat to view right now. I finally found myself and it took many years to find. With that said,
I could never be somebody I'm not because I've battled
with myself for too long. It would be a self-inflicted slap in the face.

"The Somber Side" of Joshua will soon be told at a later time.

For now bask in the luminous, positive visions of my mind.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Ciara Desert

~

And here I am,

Stranded in the middle of this desert,

Let's pretend,

That her subtle voice isn't the reason we flirt,

Her conversation stirs up sandstorms in my head,

Nonetheless,

These words she speak seek to relieve my stress,

The dullness in my chest,

The beauty of her dress,

I imagine would reflect the gorgeousness of her face,

The exhales of my sighs,

Come after our conversation's good-bye's,

Exhausted from a parched mouth is I,

Hopefully rain showers pour in her desert,

So her wetness will stop the dry,

Let it rain, let it rain,

For a raindrop will seal this letter,

Walking through every grain of sand,

I am lost in the Ciara Desert.

~

P.S. Trash cans and vacuum cleaners are awesome. (insider)

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Divine Intimacy

~

Story time

As you may know by now, I have thee most incredible dreams.

Some silly, scary, simple, and some deeply profound... hence the subtitle of my blog.

It's weird (at least for me) how I have a dream, wake up,

and only remember certain scenes from it.

Then, hours, days, sometimes even weeks later I encounter

the strongest deja-vu feeling which triggers a full memory blast of 

this incredible dream I had.

Here's what happened in poetic words...

~

Come in, come in,

Says my eyes to the light,

Stuck in surprise by this angel's great might,

Speaking the language of music,

He proved me stupid,

For I thought not my dreams to be lucid,

His wings were immense,

Glowing face was intense,

This unusual environment

Sucked the common right out of my sense,

But still no fear was felt,

As he ushered in an extraordinary friend

Of his to provide some help,

I was frightened yet knew I couldn't be hurt,

So his friend took my hand and I lost my shirt,

The angel's friend was female,

And she fell directly from heaven

Because her beauty would softly kiss my neck and....

We expressed our love on a cloud

And her moans were high-pitched harmonies sung aloud,

She took the gloom from my daze,

Left me in amaze,

This sonic boom could've been heard for days,

But then my angel friends spread their wings,

Drifted towards an intriguingly marvelous window,

Looked back at me in slow-mo,

Leaped through it and began to hover,

Where are you traveling my friend and my lover?

So with much hope and faith I too dove....

Right through this window....

But I fell short of grace,

Not worthy enough to soar through those heavenly gates,

And as I tumbled to the ground....

Back to reality....

I awake, deserted in the center of nature's work....

A place called Earth.

And in the midst of this,

This is what I witnessed....

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Presidential Pondering [thanks CH]

~

Hmm... I sit alone in my home and ponder my thoughts that wander in my dome,

as they are free to roam to some place far unknown... 24/7

(p.s- I love alliteration)

Some stressful, some evil, some good ...or even great.

Nonetheless, the meaning of life is man's number one most unanswerable thought...

...at least in my mind.

But then again... I'm weird like that.

You'd have to die to find an answer.

But hey.... Here's some food for thought.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Big Sean x Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang)

Big Sean - Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang) from illRoots.com on Vimeo.

Behind A Smile

[Verse 1:]
Heck with the man to be,

Secular family,

Never was glad too,

Heather was the last beau,

Heaven is way past due,

Sevens appear in the eye,

Gamble before my cup spews hatred into the eye,

Please leave with sky,

Cruise the ozone or moan groan in bed with the lady by my side,

And by the tide I ride a wave a mile high

as soon as I ride by my high kicks into gear five,

That's wild,

But what's not anymore,

Not many adore what I do have,

Laugh at me but fear badly my wrath,

Glad to be the one in the sun,

Rays of light widen my sight,

And the seconds it takes to realize I'm alive,

One and I'm done,

You hide and you run,

Sigh from the smoke in the eye blasted from the barrel of a gun,

Enjoy my body of work,

Boy in the body of a smirk

[Chorus:]
If I passed away,
What have I done,
Leave a mark on this earth,
Before you are gone,
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 2:]
In my bedroom reintroducing pill to mouth,
Spilled it out,
The depression session lived on a cloud,
It's too bad when everyone hates and runs
With the wrong impression of you and then favorites one son,
I'm done son,
But tear up from memories of pops telling me to "run son",
"Fuck it and smile" is the motto chosen,
Hoping to open what was spiked in my bottle of poison,
I'm through searching,
Grew hurting,
Thoughts of running in traffic,
A vehicular homicide habit,
I can't have it,
My dreams were lost when the devil entered my brain and stabbed it,
C'mon boy what happened?
Initially was positivity found in the trash bin,
It's a has been,
So these lethal thoughts I stay clapping,
Put the boy to sleep and start napping,
I'm done rapping

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

No one sees the pain behind a smile

No one sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 3:]

No more hatred, I'm tired of the fake shit,

Hard to swim when your mind has a dirty lake in it,

But-

Do not drown, move your arms around,

Fatigue hits when you follow others 

But what happens when the lead quits?

None other than fear,

Being weird is so important to me,

But if you press it, it will press you into horrid reality,

Take a trip into my conscience,

Yeah, luck is a bitch

Because I'm the only one she's not sleeping with,

Excuse me miss, riddle me this,

Why is the golden child snoring in a pitch black crib?

Come one come all is the statement yearned,

And "I love you all" is it simply placed in laymen's terms,

The main concern,

Am I dreaming or living?

Well it takes a life to dream

So I'm living out my dreams,

Still, it's not what it seems,

Get money by any means

But that's not what my faith believes,

Hope this bad day decides to leave

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Outro:]

A smile can be good or bad...

But you only see the good smile...

It's hard to live this thing called life,

Just don't give up

I've been faced with that decision...

I hope this helps anyone through any difficult situation

they're in...at least you know mine now.

[p.s. I so want to record me rapping this over 

a Charles Hamilton beat]

~

Hey Jah...It's Joshua

Many say I have a talent for writing,

Professors say I'm adequate...

It's whatever...

Well...

You already know what's in my head,

But consider this a gift from me to you...

It's my way of complaining in beautifully written words.

When I get to see you as I awake from that deep sleep,

I want to read it to you...

It probably won't matter then...

Thanks for all you've done

It surely isn't looked over.

Joshua Stowers,

Much love...

The Manhattan Triangle

It started off as an eye-to-eye make-out,

And I could tell she desired to take out

My media until I immediately meet my seed

As I consume her media take-out

With a mouth full of greed,

Money-hungry looked her face,

Not blessed with rich grace,

But luckily I booked my ace

In the hole of my heart,

Where her being with someone else

Was an infatuation blatantly left on the shelf,

I never ever met her,

But my eyes knew her,

As we inhaled the blast of the starry pineapple hookah,

She gently touched my knee,

Blushing was free,

What's your name?

Were the words her lips chanted,

Followed by a caramel smile which skid a mile

Only to arrive to a screeching halt

And abruptly send my chin to the asphalt,

She had a man who was the friend of my friend,

And I thought to myself this has to end,

But then,

Her lover leaves for a moment in time,

Only at this time she asks for ten digits,

Legit, quick-schemed was her master plan,

To deceive what her relationship actually means,

It seems like she didn't care,

Her game was more than fair

As I grabbed her hair and whispered my number in her ear,

Buzzed out of our minds,

When will her lover return?

Depends on the power of the time,

Over the music I heard the clock strike,

And he's back like Mase gracing the mic,

The guilt, the anxiety,

Made me pause still and sit there quietly,

I felt so bad in this Glad Ziploc bag of a slow love drag,

But I ignored the fear,

Chose to chill cool,

So sincere was her mystical aura,

Intoxicating my mood till I was short of...

A breath of fresh air is what I longed for,

So we all squeezed in her four door sedan,

More room was needed but I didn't care,
Her mesmerizing stare easily made me a stan,

Two hours have passed in my spinning mind,

The thinnest line is where my heartbeat would hardly beat,

Now back at home,

Caught up with my shadow's creep,

As her body rubs mine,

Her precious lips and my cheek meet,

She pulls away and returns to her lover

And so did my acute love for her,

I couldn't have her so I became annoyed,

A boy plays with toys,

A man like me was playing with great shapes,

Teased by the taste of her love sample,

With a misty view of the city skyline,
I'm trapped in The Manhattan Triangle.

Starpoint Beach

Off the coast goes a lost love

Less likely to boast

An ego that was erased

As our wine glasses toast,

To a much better life I will see,

More of a man I will be,

Caught in your seductive web,

I try to flee,

Because your former lover

Happily left the woman standing in front of me

That my eyes see,

See I try not to recall

What those falling pictures,

Crawling scriptures,

Rushing down my wall

Wanted me to see,

But alas,

I'm free from this fairytale picture,

Inhale, exhale, taste the elixir,

Poison sipped,

Choices slipped,

Consciousness quit,

Later on to be awakened by a hard screech,

The language of scarred speech

Heard remarkably off the coast of Starpoint Beach.

Curren$y x Audio Dope 2

Curren$y - Audio Dope 2 from Creative Control on Vimeo.

Bleu Moon

The bleu moon reflects its intense light,

Deaf is right,

As silence crawls upon my face with such spite,

A baby lion last of its kind,

Raised by wolves,

Danger in a matter of time,

Will its cries be heard?

The thoughts scream loudly,

But the whispers squeal from the back of the herd,

The bleu moon still rotates on its own,

Light so white as the bone,

Fear not for hope creates on its own,

Shining perfectly down, 

Glaring back at my face,

The striking stars simply stare back at a stationary pace,

And with one wish winds down the clock,

Times up,

I'll return to my normal appearance at heart,

From the start,

I was witnessing works of art trailing the sweet tune

Of melodic sand dunes shading my view of this bleu moon.

Wiz Khalifa x Damn It Feels Good To Be A Taylor [Video]

Wiz Khalifa x In The Cut [Video]

Wonderful Housewife

If this is real,

I want to savor this moment,

Lay with this woman,

But this hate is what's growing,

And my roots were cut short,

This grass wasn't greener on the other side,

Somebody please shed light of some sort,

And I promise,

If she gives me this bliss

I'll never dismiss the long kiss

From which her gorgeous lips sip...

The stream of innocence flowing in my hand,

Dampening the dry guilt found in the palm of my hand,

Calming the man protected by his deity,

But where art thou fair lady?

For she sings the silent lullaby

Heard all around the world's faint cry,

But still inside

Is an I,

Is the sky,

What it should be?

Darker than my worse days,

And closer to my God than my church days...

And there she goes,

There she goes,

Swimming through the seas and land

As the speckles of sand heckles her toes,

In turn,

She stops abruptly to cease the burn,

Call me an unlawful intern,

Because this is where weakness meets the firm,

Now greet the term - Life,

She's the woman who's left my home,

Formerly known as my wonderful housewife.

Elude The Illusion

My consciousness expanding with time,

Thoughts shoot up just to land between every line,

Patiently waiting for mine,

Coined is the term heard at the drop of a dime,

Watch a star glisten in lime,

Green ideas bring my currency ahead of time,

Never mind,

But ponder what you see when the planets align,

Damned if I'm lying,

There it is shining,

The message of life sketched in Arabic writing,

Should this star dim its lighting?

I think not,

But believe in plot,

The body of the story of my life,

Quite short but filled with much strife,

And splash,

Goes the flood of the clash,

War of the gods,

Tale of the odds,

Myths leave the brain shook,

In effect my head nods,

Leaning forward too much,

Left in the dust,

Broken hearts and such,

But luckily my spades were clutch,

Now is that love?

Who knows,

Walk where the light shows,

My mind glows,

It deserves its own special light show,

But enter the trance,

Hypnotic conditions concocting

A colorful kaleidoscope poking out of my pants,

Am I hallucinating?

Well she didn't waste time waiting,

Mental stress excruciating,

Shading my reality with dreams worth creating,

Yet still I ask,

Why fool me?

These sick, sad little questions,

Always find a way to elude me.

Mac Miller x Don't Mind If I Do [Music Video]

Lethal Thoughts

I think with my soul,

Ponder my heartbeat yet hardly,

Never was the type to do what I was told,

But let go,

Freeze time with an iced mind,

Left with a head cold,

But that's beyond old,

A new painting was sold,

Each color expressing a different mode,

Giving a more vivid font so bold,

It's like the stars collided,

Causing an immense explosion,

And I'm stuck inside it,

But this is one-sided,

Thought not once of anyone else,

A faux love tries and it fails,

So I decide to one-night it,

Attempt to show deep emotion,

But the feelings stay hiding,

I'm trying,

To prevent my thoughts from lying,

Requiring this shallow affection to stop dying,

And take one step at a time,

Feel the fear which scare the chills,

Cautiously trickling down the spine,

As it appears I've lost what is mine,

Believe in thy self,

But where exactly is the mind?

Hand me a lethal weapon,

And in one swift second,

Shoot my conscience and send it straight to heaven,

In conclusion the solution is to just write it,

Wipe my tears away and let these words simply cry it.

Wiz Khalifa x Never Been [Official Video]

Breathe Underwater

Leave me be,

Only time will set me free,

Theft was the test left,

Swollen is the weakened mind who saw the crime,

Caught in the act with no time to react,

Stolen was the hope hung from a line and left to dry,

The inhales hurt, but the exhales are much softer; 

Struggling to the surface, now watch me breathe underwater...

Breathe it in, breathe it out,

Commit the sin, but pray it out,

The wrong was done to watch the sadness melt,

Trapped in a hell bearing lakes of fire,

Left to disintegrate forgetting how happiness felt,

And numb from the shock burnt down to the last wire,

The inhales hurt, but the exhales are much softer; 

Struggling to the surface, now watch me breathe underwater...

The pain is heading south,

Downwards slide the words slipped from the mouth,

Speaking with enlightening tones,

Much less groans,

Singing angelic notes,

Positively thrown from this disheartening boat,

...Now watch me breathe underwater...

Nudity's Jewelry

She's naked, she's nude,

Awaiting her knight in shining armor,

Reality left in the dust just to alter her mood,

Visions flash before her eyes,

But to her surprise she flees from what she denies,

She's naked, she's nude,

Choked by life's grip,

The lack of breath strikes her face pale blue,

But what's this in the foggy rear view?

Luck missed her soul in the mist long behold,

A sparkling chance which appears brand new,

She's naked, she's nude,

More beautiful than ever,

However vulnerable to whoever tells her never,

As she is forever and ever naive,

Bred to conceive and not to relieve deceive,

She's naked, she's nude,

Finally fed up,

She seems to have stuffed herself enough,

Full of lies, done with the cries,

For a diamond need not dwell in the rough,

Locked up behind a wall of no trust,

Trying to scream but whispers slip out,

All thanks to the tightness of the handcuffs,

She will always know who but left without a clue,

Held back from this thing called truth,

Her face so distant from me,

Yet her tears are so used to me,

I tend to call her,

Nudity's Jewelry

Mac Miller x Kool Aid & Frozen Pizza [Video]

Mac Miller x La La La La [Music Video]

Big Sean x What U Doin? (Bull$#!@ing)

Flowers of Steel

There he goes,

The little boy who wanders freely,

As he smiles he picks his nose,

Stops to stare at the sun,

His eyes become full of water,

He taps his ankles and begins to run,

Teary-eyed,

He twirls in a huge circle,

Falling flat on his back - face to the sky,

Rolling on his side,

He picks a white rose...

"This will keep me safe inside from all the fears at night.

I will see all that the eye does not, I hope I might..."

Says the little boy,

Tearing the jeans his mother sewed,

As he stands to his feet,

He sees a mysteriously hidden cove,

Walking towards it,

He tightens the grip of his white rose,

For he fears not,

Countless screams of evil shout from the cove,

But the little boy hears not,

In total darkness,

A deep voice rumbles from the depths of the cove,

Extreme sharpness,

Perfect tone of the words the voice had to say,

But what is the little boy to do?

...As he is left alone in dismay

"I've got you now. You fell right into my trap.

Stunned are you, laying helplessly in this web I spat.

I sent you a sealed letter, and you innocently read it.

I am the ultimate tempter..."

Says the deep voice,

Frightened is the little boy,

Certainly not by choice,

Those intimidating words aimed for his face,

As the tears shot from his eyes,

Undoubtedly not the gift he planned to open,

Which brought the shock to his surprise,

Running for dear life out of the cove,

Slowed down is his heart as he dove,

Landing on his back,

The little boy is scared to look back...

As he gently opens his eyes,

Sitting himself up to a kneel,

The little boy is stranded among beautiful,

Yet deceiving flowers of steel...

22:00 Hours

As I sit here with my mind clear,

Thoughts singing notes so sincere,

The tear,

Held back from the eye which sees no fear,

Contemplating an everlasting moment with you,

Shall we jump to fall or jump to soar?

Stuck in this mystery game without a clue,

Alas, I've surpassed the past,

Granting me a beautiful future for us to explore,

Let our eyes do the connecting,

Lips do the syncing,

Our subtle voices will play the music,

I possess the cable for your iPod dock,

And I hope you let me use it,

Floating on a fluffy cloud,

This love-high feels like cotton,

Your glamour never being forgotten,

Accept my invitation with a bouquet of flowers,

And meet me at the rendezvous...

At 22:00 hours...

Strawberry Field

My eyes kept on the lady in the sky,
But the moment her face turns grey,
These raindrops tend to fall from her cry,

She wants to hear me play,
My guitar every single day,
Melodies strummed,
Sounding out the thoughts I can't seem to say,

Sometimes her love smiles to frighten,
Leaving a trail of trippy visions,
All the scared feelings seem to heighten,
As I put up my tall heavy shield,
Only to let my guard down,
And wake up in a strawberry field,

Loss of all hope loves to get the best of me,
With my life I would elope,
Simply to figure out its fate & destiny,
While my mind has left to balance the uneven,
Thinking up the right path to her Garden of Eden

I'm stranded in uncharted lands, and left astray to heal.

Licking my wounds with my head in my hands,

I live to dream in this strawberry field.