"The Sunlit Side"

~

As we all know, we go through changes in life - physically and mentally.

I've never been tall but my mind is about 7'2, 330 pounds.

So I've created an illustrative timeline of my mental growth.

These are visions of my brain throughout my years...

And this is "The Sunlit Side" of Joshua...

As a little boy I always thought with such bright colors.
I was a home-bodied kid, meaning I was well sheltered by my parents.
I loved to fit in with the other children but always managed to think of some very different,
complex ways of doing my times tables. Hmm.. odd.

As I grew older into my junior high school days, I had a tighter grip
on who I actually was. In my mind I had found myself. So, I took the mind frame I was
previously in and simply defined it. Still, I wasn't always accepted by a group
of unfamiliar people called "peers" (whatever the hell those are).
Maturity begins its course on my mind.

Throughout high school I decided to switch things up: try a couple sports,
change my wardrobe, even speak a little differently. (I was still my weird self)
I just wanted change. So when one desires a new environment/lifestyle, what is he or she to do?
Instead of drawing my pictures with crayons & color pencils, I switched to the dreaded paint brush.
I received mixed responses to this so-called "change". I don't even think many noticed.
Maturity was placed on hold for an immature change to settle in.

And here I am now, trapped in the ever so clever and well-rooted mind you see here.
It's beautiful isn't it? I just wish others could see it. I went back to my roots (my crayon & colored pencil days)
and threw away that paintbrush, which I eventually saw in the top drawer of my dresser a year ago.
But that's another story. (Part 2?) Anyway, I picked up some great hobbies.... one of which
you have a front row seat to view right now. I finally found myself and it took many years to find. With that said,
I could never be somebody I'm not because I've battled
with myself for too long. It would be a self-inflicted slap in the face.

"The Somber Side" of Joshua will soon be told at a later time.

For now bask in the luminous, positive visions of my mind.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Ciara Desert

~

And here I am,

Stranded in the middle of this desert,

Let's pretend,

That her subtle voice isn't the reason we flirt,

Her conversation stirs up sandstorms in my head,

Nonetheless,

These words she speak seek to relieve my stress,

The dullness in my chest,

The beauty of her dress,

I imagine would reflect the gorgeousness of her face,

The exhales of my sighs,

Come after our conversation's good-bye's,

Exhausted from a parched mouth is I,

Hopefully rain showers pour in her desert,

So her wetness will stop the dry,

Let it rain, let it rain,

For a raindrop will seal this letter,

Walking through every grain of sand,

I am lost in the Ciara Desert.

~

P.S. Trash cans and vacuum cleaners are awesome. (insider)

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Divine Intimacy

~

Story time

As you may know by now, I have thee most incredible dreams.

Some silly, scary, simple, and some deeply profound... hence the subtitle of my blog.

It's weird (at least for me) how I have a dream, wake up,

and only remember certain scenes from it.

Then, hours, days, sometimes even weeks later I encounter

the strongest deja-vu feeling which triggers a full memory blast of 

this incredible dream I had.

Here's what happened in poetic words...

~

Come in, come in,

Says my eyes to the light,

Stuck in surprise by this angel's great might,

Speaking the language of music,

He proved me stupid,

For I thought not my dreams to be lucid,

His wings were immense,

Glowing face was intense,

This unusual environment

Sucked the common right out of my sense,

But still no fear was felt,

As he ushered in an extraordinary friend

Of his to provide some help,

I was frightened yet knew I couldn't be hurt,

So his friend took my hand and I lost my shirt,

The angel's friend was female,

And she fell directly from heaven

Because her beauty would softly kiss my neck and....

We expressed our love on a cloud

And her moans were high-pitched harmonies sung aloud,

She took the gloom from my daze,

Left me in amaze,

This sonic boom could've been heard for days,

But then my angel friends spread their wings,

Drifted towards an intriguingly marvelous window,

Looked back at me in slow-mo,

Leaped through it and began to hover,

Where are you traveling my friend and my lover?

So with much hope and faith I too dove....

Right through this window....

But I fell short of grace,

Not worthy enough to soar through those heavenly gates,

And as I tumbled to the ground....

Back to reality....

I awake, deserted in the center of nature's work....

A place called Earth.

And in the midst of this,

This is what I witnessed....

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Presidential Pondering [thanks CH]

~

Hmm... I sit alone in my home and ponder my thoughts that wander in my dome,

as they are free to roam to some place far unknown... 24/7

(p.s- I love alliteration)

Some stressful, some evil, some good ...or even great.

Nonetheless, the meaning of life is man's number one most unanswerable thought...

...at least in my mind.

But then again... I'm weird like that.

You'd have to die to find an answer.

But hey.... Here's some food for thought.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Big Sean x Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang)

Big Sean - Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang) from illRoots.com on Vimeo.

Behind A Smile

[Verse 1:]
Heck with the man to be,

Secular family,

Never was glad too,

Heather was the last beau,

Heaven is way past due,

Sevens appear in the eye,

Gamble before my cup spews hatred into the eye,

Please leave with sky,

Cruise the ozone or moan groan in bed with the lady by my side,

And by the tide I ride a wave a mile high

as soon as I ride by my high kicks into gear five,

That's wild,

But what's not anymore,

Not many adore what I do have,

Laugh at me but fear badly my wrath,

Glad to be the one in the sun,

Rays of light widen my sight,

And the seconds it takes to realize I'm alive,

One and I'm done,

You hide and you run,

Sigh from the smoke in the eye blasted from the barrel of a gun,

Enjoy my body of work,

Boy in the body of a smirk

[Chorus:]
If I passed away,
What have I done,
Leave a mark on this earth,
Before you are gone,
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 2:]
In my bedroom reintroducing pill to mouth,
Spilled it out,
The depression session lived on a cloud,
It's too bad when everyone hates and runs
With the wrong impression of you and then favorites one son,
I'm done son,
But tear up from memories of pops telling me to "run son",
"Fuck it and smile" is the motto chosen,
Hoping to open what was spiked in my bottle of poison,
I'm through searching,
Grew hurting,
Thoughts of running in traffic,
A vehicular homicide habit,
I can't have it,
My dreams were lost when the devil entered my brain and stabbed it,
C'mon boy what happened?
Initially was positivity found in the trash bin,
It's a has been,
So these lethal thoughts I stay clapping,
Put the boy to sleep and start napping,
I'm done rapping

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

No one sees the pain behind a smile

No one sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 3:]

No more hatred, I'm tired of the fake shit,

Hard to swim when your mind has a dirty lake in it,

But-

Do not drown, move your arms around,

Fatigue hits when you follow others 

But what happens when the lead quits?

None other than fear,

Being weird is so important to me,

But if you press it, it will press you into horrid reality,

Take a trip into my conscience,

Yeah, luck is a bitch

Because I'm the only one she's not sleeping with,

Excuse me miss, riddle me this,

Why is the golden child snoring in a pitch black crib?

Come one come all is the statement yearned,

And "I love you all" is it simply placed in laymen's terms,

The main concern,

Am I dreaming or living?

Well it takes a life to dream

So I'm living out my dreams,

Still, it's not what it seems,

Get money by any means

But that's not what my faith believes,

Hope this bad day decides to leave

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Outro:]

A smile can be good or bad...

But you only see the good smile...

It's hard to live this thing called life,

Just don't give up

I've been faced with that decision...

I hope this helps anyone through any difficult situation

they're in...at least you know mine now.

[p.s. I so want to record me rapping this over 

a Charles Hamilton beat]

~

Hey Jah...It's Joshua

Many say I have a talent for writing,

Professors say I'm adequate...

It's whatever...

Well...

You already know what's in my head,

But consider this a gift from me to you...

It's my way of complaining in beautifully written words.

When I get to see you as I awake from that deep sleep,

I want to read it to you...

It probably won't matter then...

Thanks for all you've done

It surely isn't looked over.

Joshua Stowers,

Much love...