Behind A Smile

[Verse 1:]
Heck with the man to be,

Secular family,

Never was glad too,

Heather was the last beau,

Heaven is way past due,

Sevens appear in the eye,

Gamble before my cup spews hatred into the eye,

Please leave with sky,

Cruise the ozone or moan groan in bed with the lady by my side,

And by the tide I ride a wave a mile high

as soon as I ride by my high kicks into gear five,

That's wild,

But what's not anymore,

Not many adore what I do have,

Laugh at me but fear badly my wrath,

Glad to be the one in the sun,

Rays of light widen my sight,

And the seconds it takes to realize I'm alive,

One and I'm done,

You hide and you run,

Sigh from the smoke in the eye blasted from the barrel of a gun,

Enjoy my body of work,

Boy in the body of a smirk

[Chorus:]
If I passed away,
What have I done,
Leave a mark on this earth,
Before you are gone,
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 2:]
In my bedroom reintroducing pill to mouth,
Spilled it out,
The depression session lived on a cloud,
It's too bad when everyone hates and runs
With the wrong impression of you and then favorites one son,
I'm done son,
But tear up from memories of pops telling me to "run son",
"Fuck it and smile" is the motto chosen,
Hoping to open what was spiked in my bottle of poison,
I'm through searching,
Grew hurting,
Thoughts of running in traffic,
A vehicular homicide habit,
I can't have it,
My dreams were lost when the devil entered my brain and stabbed it,
C'mon boy what happened?
Initially was positivity found in the trash bin,
It's a has been,
So these lethal thoughts I stay clapping,
Put the boy to sleep and start napping,
I'm done rapping

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

No one sees the pain behind a smile

No one sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 3:]

No more hatred, I'm tired of the fake shit,

Hard to swim when your mind has a dirty lake in it,

But-

Do not drown, move your arms around,

Fatigue hits when you follow others 

But what happens when the lead quits?

None other than fear,

Being weird is so important to me,

But if you press it, it will press you into horrid reality,

Take a trip into my conscience,

Yeah, luck is a bitch

Because I'm the only one she's not sleeping with,

Excuse me miss, riddle me this,

Why is the golden child snoring in a pitch black crib?

Come one come all is the statement yearned,

And "I love you all" is it simply placed in laymen's terms,

The main concern,

Am I dreaming or living?

Well it takes a life to dream

So I'm living out my dreams,

Still, it's not what it seems,

Get money by any means

But that's not what my faith believes,

Hope this bad day decides to leave

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Outro:]

A smile can be good or bad...

But you only see the good smile...

It's hard to live this thing called life,

Just don't give up

I've been faced with that decision...

I hope this helps anyone through any difficult situation

they're in...at least you know mine now.

[p.s. I so want to record me rapping this over 

a Charles Hamilton beat]

~

Hey Jah...It's Joshua

Many say I have a talent for writing,

Professors say I'm adequate...

It's whatever...

Well...

You already know what's in my head,

But consider this a gift from me to you...

It's my way of complaining in beautifully written words.

When I get to see you as I awake from that deep sleep,

I want to read it to you...

It probably won't matter then...

Thanks for all you've done

It surely isn't looked over.

Joshua Stowers,

Much love...

The Manhattan Triangle

It started off as an eye-to-eye make-out,

And I could tell she desired to take out

My media until I immediately meet my seed

As I consume her media take-out

With a mouth full of greed,

Money-hungry looked her face,

Not blessed with rich grace,

But luckily I booked my ace

In the hole of my heart,

Where her being with someone else

Was an infatuation blatantly left on the shelf,

I never ever met her,

But my eyes knew her,

As we inhaled the blast of the starry pineapple hookah,

She gently touched my knee,

Blushing was free,

What's your name?

Were the words her lips chanted,

Followed by a caramel smile which skid a mile

Only to arrive to a screeching halt

And abruptly send my chin to the asphalt,

She had a man who was the friend of my friend,

And I thought to myself this has to end,

But then,

Her lover leaves for a moment in time,

Only at this time she asks for ten digits,

Legit, quick-schemed was her master plan,

To deceive what her relationship actually means,

It seems like she didn't care,

Her game was more than fair

As I grabbed her hair and whispered my number in her ear,

Buzzed out of our minds,

When will her lover return?

Depends on the power of the time,

Over the music I heard the clock strike,

And he's back like Mase gracing the mic,

The guilt, the anxiety,

Made me pause still and sit there quietly,

I felt so bad in this Glad Ziploc bag of a slow love drag,

But I ignored the fear,

Chose to chill cool,

So sincere was her mystical aura,

Intoxicating my mood till I was short of...

A breath of fresh air is what I longed for,

So we all squeezed in her four door sedan,

More room was needed but I didn't care,
Her mesmerizing stare easily made me a stan,

Two hours have passed in my spinning mind,

The thinnest line is where my heartbeat would hardly beat,

Now back at home,

Caught up with my shadow's creep,

As her body rubs mine,

Her precious lips and my cheek meet,

She pulls away and returns to her lover

And so did my acute love for her,

I couldn't have her so I became annoyed,

A boy plays with toys,

A man like me was playing with great shapes,

Teased by the taste of her love sample,

With a misty view of the city skyline,
I'm trapped in The Manhattan Triangle.

Bleu Moon

The bleu moon reflects its intense light,

Deaf is right,

As silence crawls upon my face with such spite,

A baby lion last of its kind,

Raised by wolves,

Danger in a matter of time,

Will its cries be heard?

The thoughts scream loudly,

But the whispers squeal from the back of the herd,

The bleu moon still rotates on its own,

Light so white as the bone,

Fear not for hope creates on its own,

Shining perfectly down, 

Glaring back at my face,

The striking stars simply stare back at a stationary pace,

And with one wish winds down the clock,

Times up,

I'll return to my normal appearance at heart,

From the start,

I was witnessing works of art trailing the sweet tune

Of melodic sand dunes shading my view of this bleu moon.

Wonderful Housewife

If this is real,

I want to savor this moment,

Lay with this woman,

But this hate is what's growing,

And my roots were cut short,

This grass wasn't greener on the other side,

Somebody please shed light of some sort,

And I promise,

If she gives me this bliss

I'll never dismiss the long kiss

From which her gorgeous lips sip...

The stream of innocence flowing in my hand,

Dampening the dry guilt found in the palm of my hand,

Calming the man protected by his deity,

But where art thou fair lady?

For she sings the silent lullaby

Heard all around the world's faint cry,

But still inside

Is an I,

Is the sky,

What it should be?

Darker than my worse days,

And closer to my God than my church days...

And there she goes,

There she goes,

Swimming through the seas and land

As the speckles of sand heckles her toes,

In turn,

She stops abruptly to cease the burn,

Call me an unlawful intern,

Because this is where weakness meets the firm,

Now greet the term - Life,

She's the woman who's left my home,

Formerly known as my wonderful housewife.

Elude The Illusion

My consciousness expanding with time,

Thoughts shoot up just to land between every line,

Patiently waiting for mine,

Coined is the term heard at the drop of a dime,

Watch a star glisten in lime,

Green ideas bring my currency ahead of time,

Never mind,

But ponder what you see when the planets align,

Damned if I'm lying,

There it is shining,

The message of life sketched in Arabic writing,

Should this star dim its lighting?

I think not,

But believe in plot,

The body of the story of my life,

Quite short but filled with much strife,

And splash,

Goes the flood of the clash,

War of the gods,

Tale of the odds,

Myths leave the brain shook,

In effect my head nods,

Leaning forward too much,

Left in the dust,

Broken hearts and such,

But luckily my spades were clutch,

Now is that love?

Who knows,

Walk where the light shows,

My mind glows,

It deserves its own special light show,

But enter the trance,

Hypnotic conditions concocting

A colorful kaleidoscope poking out of my pants,

Am I hallucinating?

Well she didn't waste time waiting,

Mental stress excruciating,

Shading my reality with dreams worth creating,

Yet still I ask,

Why fool me?

These sick, sad little questions,

Always find a way to elude me.

Lethal Thoughts

I think with my soul,

Ponder my heartbeat yet hardly,

Never was the type to do what I was told,

But let go,

Freeze time with an iced mind,

Left with a head cold,

But that's beyond old,

A new painting was sold,

Each color expressing a different mode,

Giving a more vivid font so bold,

It's like the stars collided,

Causing an immense explosion,

And I'm stuck inside it,

But this is one-sided,

Thought not once of anyone else,

A faux love tries and it fails,

So I decide to one-night it,

Attempt to show deep emotion,

But the feelings stay hiding,

I'm trying,

To prevent my thoughts from lying,

Requiring this shallow affection to stop dying,

And take one step at a time,

Feel the fear which scare the chills,

Cautiously trickling down the spine,

As it appears I've lost what is mine,

Believe in thy self,

But where exactly is the mind?

Hand me a lethal weapon,

And in one swift second,

Shoot my conscience and send it straight to heaven,

In conclusion the solution is to just write it,

Wipe my tears away and let these words simply cry it.

Breathe Underwater

Leave me be,

Only time will set me free,

Theft was the test left,

Swollen is the weakened mind who saw the crime,

Caught in the act with no time to react,

Stolen was the hope hung from a line and left to dry,

The inhales hurt, but the exhales are much softer; 

Struggling to the surface, now watch me breathe underwater...

Breathe it in, breathe it out,

Commit the sin, but pray it out,

The wrong was done to watch the sadness melt,

Trapped in a hell bearing lakes of fire,

Left to disintegrate forgetting how happiness felt,

And numb from the shock burnt down to the last wire,

The inhales hurt, but the exhales are much softer; 

Struggling to the surface, now watch me breathe underwater...

The pain is heading south,

Downwards slide the words slipped from the mouth,

Speaking with enlightening tones,

Much less groans,

Singing angelic notes,

Positively thrown from this disheartening boat,

...Now watch me breathe underwater...

Nudity's Jewelry

She's naked, she's nude,

Awaiting her knight in shining armor,

Reality left in the dust just to alter her mood,

Visions flash before her eyes,

But to her surprise she flees from what she denies,

She's naked, she's nude,

Choked by life's grip,

The lack of breath strikes her face pale blue,

But what's this in the foggy rear view?

Luck missed her soul in the mist long behold,

A sparkling chance which appears brand new,

She's naked, she's nude,

More beautiful than ever,

However vulnerable to whoever tells her never,

As she is forever and ever naive,

Bred to conceive and not to relieve deceive,

She's naked, she's nude,

Finally fed up,

She seems to have stuffed herself enough,

Full of lies, done with the cries,

For a diamond need not dwell in the rough,

Locked up behind a wall of no trust,

Trying to scream but whispers slip out,

All thanks to the tightness of the handcuffs,

She will always know who but left without a clue,

Held back from this thing called truth,

Her face so distant from me,

Yet her tears are so used to me,

I tend to call her,

Nudity's Jewelry

The Tears

My eyes are completely different from yours,
I even view images while they're closed, of course,
Try to figure out why you see what you see - what's the source?
And these eyes charge ahead with no fear, like a horse,
The visual pain stings like a shot,
My eyes are crying now, but I am not,
It's complicated to bring my tears to a halt,
I can see clear because my eyes bleed fresh water, no salt,
When the water washes away,
Will I see the day?
Where I'm able to bow my head, fold my hands, and pray?
This life without tears is like bread without butter,
The tears force me to fumble my words so I stu-stu-stutter,
The real me hides behind this face,
I pray to tackle life's issues so I kneel with grace,
I come out of my body,
Have a conversation with nobody,
Play a mental game - it's a hobby,
Then step back through the doors of reality,
I'm walking right in the lobby,
Slap my face to snap out of it for a while,
Swipe tears from my cheek,
Watch them fly about a mile,
Fall down, get back on your feet,
Await for you and success to meet,
Holding my future in my hands like a cup,
I want to throw it in the wind and see if it goes up,
To the sky,
Sky's the limit,
This picture before my eyes appears backwards,
So I flip it,
Around and around,
Watch it Merry-Go,
Round and round,
The tears will splash for years,
The pain I receive before they come strikes hard like spears,
To see the true self,
Everyday I stare into mirrors,
And analyze the question of the tears...

Dear Joseph,

Hey bro,
How's it going?
I sure wish I could've met you,
But our parents did shit without knowing,
Ever since Dad told me about you I started thinking,
Trying to get the tears out my eyes, so I started winking,
How is it up there anyway? What's it like?
Doing God's work? Never having nightmares at night?
I know there's no dark in Heaven,
But I've been having bugged out dreams since like eleven,
I sure wish I could wine & dine with angels & Christ,
But I'm stuck here putting up with this life,
I would rather be in deeper shit then we're in now,
Than to know I would've had another sibling, wow...
You know what? I'll call you Joseph.
Mom might have named you that,
We don't have one of those yet,
One day I will see you,
We're gonna catch up as if you never left,
I was pissed the fuck off when he told me,
But couldn't express it because he respected me enough to tell me,
Well, Jonjon is the oldest,
He played college football & is the tallest,
Then comes me,
I like to joke & laugh,
There's also Jordan, known for her arts & craft,
Can't forget about Jabin, the youngest boy,
He mumbles when he speaks but always has the look of joy,
Knowing I could have had another sibling makes me really mad,
Oh did I mention that your brother
Jared will be a Princeton Grad ?
I imagine when we meet,
We'll feel like we've known each other forever,
As one big happy family we'll rejoice together,
Why? Why man?
Why did you have to never be?
In our lives on Earth that is,
It would mean the world to me,
Dad says he cries every night about it,
I haven't seen him cry over shit,
And it pisses me off that
Mom & Dad don't even speak about it,
Excuse my language Joseph, it's just the emotions,
I'm coming soon man,
To take a dive in the Heavenly Oceans,
Pray for me as I have done for you,
Just wait,
I'll be in the Kingdom of God too,
I'll keep God in mind,
And try to walk like Jesus,
Promise me one thing...
When we come face to face,
Tell me you'll never leave us...

With Love,

Your Brother Joshua

Should I or Should I Not?

Should I give up on this life trying?
Maybe I should give up crying,
Pouring my tears out to my mother as I kneel?
Or should I speak to my God of whom I cannot see nor feel?
Should I or Should I Not?

My mother, one of my influences & acts as my personal ladder,
She'll give me a kiss, tell me it'll be okay & help me climb to what I most desire;
Anyone against me I pay no mind - they're just flesh & bone,
Because I'm in a different category - I stand alone.
Should I or Should I Not?

Now you know who influences me - God, myself & my mother;
I will strive for the best, above the rest, there will be no other;
At the end of the day I still want your opinion,
Possibly I'll give up, it's a touch decision.
Should I or Should I Not?