"The Somber Side"

~

It has arrived - Joshua's darker days

Funny thing is, no one even new these day were lived.

Not even family.

Time to take a trip to the somber side of my mind....

There's no turning back.

Is there water, which would explain this beautiful reflection?

Or is it a steep fall shielded by a glamorous illusion?

Well I thought it to be a beautiful view of a lake, so I walked closer to the "water".

My mind played a trick on me, or was it my naked eye?

I wonder if I clothed my eye would I then be able to see past reality.

As I got closer to the "water" I tripped over one of life's hurdles and

fell, as I was now apart of a steep fall.

This is where my life begins its detour.

Reality slapped me and opened my eyes to a much darker scenery.

I felt lost, terrified, worried, and even anger was felt.

I tend to think it's the end of the world when the simplest things

happen to me, but this here was not simple in the slightest bit.

So imagine how I reacted.

Abandonment, a sense of aloneness, and the cry of fear was 

heard all around my own little world in my bedroom.

Too bad the door was always closed so nobody could hear or see.

Left with 2 paths to take: Staying positive or having late-night rendezvous

with evil thoughts.....

I chose to flirt around for a bit.

Oddly gorgeous, right?

But it scared the living daylight right out of me, literally.

Psychedelic visions, dreams, and imaginary voices

were some of the effects of choosing to "flirt around".

During this euphoric adventure of mine, I had incredible and intense

dreams - some with messages, some just for pleasure.

One night, all ready to dream beautifully again, my conscience

abused this mental gift and it took a wrong turn.

Under a sweet spell, on my break from reality, I began to dream.....

A nightmare:

I'm randomly in an immense building or factory with 2 of my 3 brothers.

All of a sudden, a screeching loud alarm goes off and we're told to

evacuate because a huge hurricane was heading our way.

People were rushing out of this building so fast, so I looked back to find my brothers.

I only saw one.

I began to panic and told my youngest brother to stay right here

and don't move.

I promise you I'm coming back.

I ran to find my other brother, sprinting up staircases and staircases,

until I reached the top floor.

I couldn't find him.

So I leaped from the platform to a tall pole.

The distance between the platform and this pole had to be about 10 yards.

I made it to the pole and climbed to the top of it.

I slowly and carefully turned around to get a better view

of the building, still in search of my brother.

Then, I saw a gigantic screen hanging from the ceiling.

The screen had a little weather ticker at the bottom

of it like most news stations have when something tragic

has happened.

This is what it read, "List of people deceased: Tommy Jackson,

Charles Brown, Jared Stowers, Vincent Lopez.

My missing brother's name is Jared.

I began to tear up heavily, crying out and shouting the Lord's name

in anger. I said, "Jesus Christ why didn't you take me? It's not fair. I will

die for any member of my family. Why would you take him? I guess I'm supposed to

move on and maintain faith, right?"

I climbed down the pole and ran back to my youngest brother,

only to see my missing brother standing next to him from afar.

My heart stopped racing and the tears stopped trickling down my face.

I hugged my brother and asked where he was.

He said, "I was looking for you guys".

My brothers and I then left the building together alive.

After the nightmare, I woke up with tears on my pillow.

Who would plant such a terrible vision in my head?

Maybe it was those evil thoughts and my true, inner soul

deflected those thoughts with the good in me.

Possibly, it showed God how I would actually react in a panic situation like that.

I don't know, I can guess at it all day.

Through these images of my mind, months have passed and I 

attempted to "stay positive".

That doesn't mean it was easy.

More time passed and I noticed I still had opportunities to

get out of this sad period in time.

I decided to walk in that little beam of light.

I know, my mind is highly active.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

"The Sunlit Side"

~

As we all know, we go through changes in life - physically and mentally.

I've never been tall but my mind is about 7'2, 330 pounds.

So I've created an illustrative timeline of my mental growth.

These are visions of my brain throughout my years...

And this is "The Sunlit Side" of Joshua...

As a little boy I always thought with such bright colors.
I was a home-bodied kid, meaning I was well sheltered by my parents.
I loved to fit in with the other children but always managed to think of some very different,
complex ways of doing my times tables. Hmm.. odd.

As I grew older into my junior high school days, I had a tighter grip
on who I actually was. In my mind I had found myself. So, I took the mind frame I was
previously in and simply defined it. Still, I wasn't always accepted by a group
of unfamiliar people called "peers" (whatever the hell those are).
Maturity begins its course on my mind.

Throughout high school I decided to switch things up: try a couple sports,
change my wardrobe, even speak a little differently. (I was still my weird self)
I just wanted change. So when one desires a new environment/lifestyle, what is he or she to do?
Instead of drawing my pictures with crayons & color pencils, I switched to the dreaded paint brush.
I received mixed responses to this so-called "change". I don't even think many noticed.
Maturity was placed on hold for an immature change to settle in.

And here I am now, trapped in the ever so clever and well-rooted mind you see here.
It's beautiful isn't it? I just wish others could see it. I went back to my roots (my crayon & colored pencil days)
and threw away that paintbrush, which I eventually saw in the top drawer of my dresser a year ago.
But that's another story. (Part 2?) Anyway, I picked up some great hobbies.... one of which
you have a front row seat to view right now. I finally found myself and it took many years to find. With that said,
I could never be somebody I'm not because I've battled
with myself for too long. It would be a self-inflicted slap in the face.

"The Somber Side" of Joshua will soon be told at a later time.

For now bask in the luminous, positive visions of my mind.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Divine Intimacy

~

Story time

As you may know by now, I have thee most incredible dreams.

Some silly, scary, simple, and some deeply profound... hence the subtitle of my blog.

It's weird (at least for me) how I have a dream, wake up,

and only remember certain scenes from it.

Then, hours, days, sometimes even weeks later I encounter

the strongest deja-vu feeling which triggers a full memory blast of 

this incredible dream I had.

Here's what happened in poetic words...

~

Come in, come in,

Says my eyes to the light,

Stuck in surprise by this angel's great might,

Speaking the language of music,

He proved me stupid,

For I thought not my dreams to be lucid,

His wings were immense,

Glowing face was intense,

This unusual environment

Sucked the common right out of my sense,

But still no fear was felt,

As he ushered in an extraordinary friend

Of his to provide some help,

I was frightened yet knew I couldn't be hurt,

So his friend took my hand and I lost my shirt,

The angel's friend was female,

And she fell directly from heaven

Because her beauty would softly kiss my neck and....

We expressed our love on a cloud

And her moans were high-pitched harmonies sung aloud,

She took the gloom from my daze,

Left me in amaze,

This sonic boom could've been heard for days,

But then my angel friends spread their wings,

Drifted towards an intriguingly marvelous window,

Looked back at me in slow-mo,

Leaped through it and began to hover,

Where are you traveling my friend and my lover?

So with much hope and faith I too dove....

Right through this window....

But I fell short of grace,

Not worthy enough to soar through those heavenly gates,

And as I tumbled to the ground....

Back to reality....

I awake, deserted in the center of nature's work....

A place called Earth.

And in the midst of this,

This is what I witnessed....

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Starpoint Beach

Off the coast goes a lost love

Less likely to boast

An ego that was erased

As our wine glasses toast,

To a much better life I will see,

More of a man I will be,

Caught in your seductive web,

I try to flee,

Because your former lover

Happily left the woman standing in front of me

That my eyes see,

See I try not to recall

What those falling pictures,

Crawling scriptures,

Rushing down my wall

Wanted me to see,

But alas,

I'm free from this fairytale picture,

Inhale, exhale, taste the elixir,

Poison sipped,

Choices slipped,

Consciousness quit,

Later on to be awakened by a hard screech,

The language of scarred speech

Heard remarkably off the coast of Starpoint Beach.

Bleu Moon

The bleu moon reflects its intense light,

Deaf is right,

As silence crawls upon my face with such spite,

A baby lion last of its kind,

Raised by wolves,

Danger in a matter of time,

Will its cries be heard?

The thoughts scream loudly,

But the whispers squeal from the back of the herd,

The bleu moon still rotates on its own,

Light so white as the bone,

Fear not for hope creates on its own,

Shining perfectly down, 

Glaring back at my face,

The striking stars simply stare back at a stationary pace,

And with one wish winds down the clock,

Times up,

I'll return to my normal appearance at heart,

From the start,

I was witnessing works of art trailing the sweet tune

Of melodic sand dunes shading my view of this bleu moon.

Wonderful Housewife

If this is real,

I want to savor this moment,

Lay with this woman,

But this hate is what's growing,

And my roots were cut short,

This grass wasn't greener on the other side,

Somebody please shed light of some sort,

And I promise,

If she gives me this bliss

I'll never dismiss the long kiss

From which her gorgeous lips sip...

The stream of innocence flowing in my hand,

Dampening the dry guilt found in the palm of my hand,

Calming the man protected by his deity,

But where art thou fair lady?

For she sings the silent lullaby

Heard all around the world's faint cry,

But still inside

Is an I,

Is the sky,

What it should be?

Darker than my worse days,

And closer to my God than my church days...

And there she goes,

There she goes,

Swimming through the seas and land

As the speckles of sand heckles her toes,

In turn,

She stops abruptly to cease the burn,

Call me an unlawful intern,

Because this is where weakness meets the firm,

Now greet the term - Life,

She's the woman who's left my home,

Formerly known as my wonderful housewife.

Elude The Illusion

My consciousness expanding with time,

Thoughts shoot up just to land between every line,

Patiently waiting for mine,

Coined is the term heard at the drop of a dime,

Watch a star glisten in lime,

Green ideas bring my currency ahead of time,

Never mind,

But ponder what you see when the planets align,

Damned if I'm lying,

There it is shining,

The message of life sketched in Arabic writing,

Should this star dim its lighting?

I think not,

But believe in plot,

The body of the story of my life,

Quite short but filled with much strife,

And splash,

Goes the flood of the clash,

War of the gods,

Tale of the odds,

Myths leave the brain shook,

In effect my head nods,

Leaning forward too much,

Left in the dust,

Broken hearts and such,

But luckily my spades were clutch,

Now is that love?

Who knows,

Walk where the light shows,

My mind glows,

It deserves its own special light show,

But enter the trance,

Hypnotic conditions concocting

A colorful kaleidoscope poking out of my pants,

Am I hallucinating?

Well she didn't waste time waiting,

Mental stress excruciating,

Shading my reality with dreams worth creating,

Yet still I ask,

Why fool me?

These sick, sad little questions,

Always find a way to elude me.

Lethal Thoughts

I think with my soul,

Ponder my heartbeat yet hardly,

Never was the type to do what I was told,

But let go,

Freeze time with an iced mind,

Left with a head cold,

But that's beyond old,

A new painting was sold,

Each color expressing a different mode,

Giving a more vivid font so bold,

It's like the stars collided,

Causing an immense explosion,

And I'm stuck inside it,

But this is one-sided,

Thought not once of anyone else,

A faux love tries and it fails,

So I decide to one-night it,

Attempt to show deep emotion,

But the feelings stay hiding,

I'm trying,

To prevent my thoughts from lying,

Requiring this shallow affection to stop dying,

And take one step at a time,

Feel the fear which scare the chills,

Cautiously trickling down the spine,

As it appears I've lost what is mine,

Believe in thy self,

But where exactly is the mind?

Hand me a lethal weapon,

And in one swift second,

Shoot my conscience and send it straight to heaven,

In conclusion the solution is to just write it,

Wipe my tears away and let these words simply cry it.

Flowers of Steel

There he goes,

The little boy who wanders freely,

As he smiles he picks his nose,

Stops to stare at the sun,

His eyes become full of water,

He taps his ankles and begins to run,

Teary-eyed,

He twirls in a huge circle,

Falling flat on his back - face to the sky,

Rolling on his side,

He picks a white rose...

"This will keep me safe inside from all the fears at night.

I will see all that the eye does not, I hope I might..."

Says the little boy,

Tearing the jeans his mother sewed,

As he stands to his feet,

He sees a mysteriously hidden cove,

Walking towards it,

He tightens the grip of his white rose,

For he fears not,

Countless screams of evil shout from the cove,

But the little boy hears not,

In total darkness,

A deep voice rumbles from the depths of the cove,

Extreme sharpness,

Perfect tone of the words the voice had to say,

But what is the little boy to do?

...As he is left alone in dismay

"I've got you now. You fell right into my trap.

Stunned are you, laying helplessly in this web I spat.

I sent you a sealed letter, and you innocently read it.

I am the ultimate tempter..."

Says the deep voice,

Frightened is the little boy,

Certainly not by choice,

Those intimidating words aimed for his face,

As the tears shot from his eyes,

Undoubtedly not the gift he planned to open,

Which brought the shock to his surprise,

Running for dear life out of the cove,

Slowed down is his heart as he dove,

Landing on his back,

The little boy is scared to look back...

As he gently opens his eyes,

Sitting himself up to a kneel,

The little boy is stranded among beautiful,

Yet deceiving flowers of steel...

22:00 Hours

As I sit here with my mind clear,

Thoughts singing notes so sincere,

The tear,

Held back from the eye which sees no fear,

Contemplating an everlasting moment with you,

Shall we jump to fall or jump to soar?

Stuck in this mystery game without a clue,

Alas, I've surpassed the past,

Granting me a beautiful future for us to explore,

Let our eyes do the connecting,

Lips do the syncing,

Our subtle voices will play the music,

I possess the cable for your iPod dock,

And I hope you let me use it,

Floating on a fluffy cloud,

This love-high feels like cotton,

Your glamour never being forgotten,

Accept my invitation with a bouquet of flowers,

And meet me at the rendezvous...

At 22:00 hours...

Strawberry Field

My eyes kept on the lady in the sky,
But the moment her face turns grey,
These raindrops tend to fall from her cry,

She wants to hear me play,
My guitar every single day,
Melodies strummed,
Sounding out the thoughts I can't seem to say,

Sometimes her love smiles to frighten,
Leaving a trail of trippy visions,
All the scared feelings seem to heighten,
As I put up my tall heavy shield,
Only to let my guard down,
And wake up in a strawberry field,

Loss of all hope loves to get the best of me,
With my life I would elope,
Simply to figure out its fate & destiny,
While my mind has left to balance the uneven,
Thinking up the right path to her Garden of Eden

I'm stranded in uncharted lands, and left astray to heal.

Licking my wounds with my head in my hands,

I live to dream in this strawberry field.

End of The Day – Unofficial Fan Made Short Film

End of the Day from Polivision on Vimeo.

Evan Polivy (PolivisionProductions) is a student at the Rhode Island School of Design and as part of his groups final project they put together this great “music video narrative” that was inspired by Cudi’s debut album “Man on the Moon: The End of Day”. Here’s what he had to say:

The video is a collaborative senior thesis project between Matt Cavallaro, Christin Neal, and myself (all students at The Rhode Island School of Design – we graduate in 2 weeks). We felt a strong connection to Cudi’s music and wrote a story based on the narrative Cudi tells in Man on the Moon: The End of Day. We call it a “music video narrative,” because it’s partially a music video and partially a narrative short film. It’s about a troubled teenager who uses music to escape into his own space fantasy where he finds the girl of his dreams.

(Description via http://datnewcudi.com/)

Britney My Epiphany

Let's parachute to the end of forever,
Free falling to a bottomless pit,
Filled is the mind drilled with pleasure,
Enjoying food for thought consumed by the bit,
Hit with golden wit perceiving life's treasure,

In line is the spine of our love intertwined,
And my Britney seduced by my words,
So I simply fed her line,
Line by line she reads on,
Speeds on is the song of our bond so strong,

Shall we leap in the air to never come down,
Round for round goes the sound,
Echoing the beats of our hearts pound for pound,
Coming to a screeching halt,
Paused are break-in attempts at our love vault,

Happy am I,
With a head taped to the ground,
Eyes glued to the sky,
Then suddenly ripped off,
Lost without a cause,
The brain is stripped off,

In comes Britney,
Bearing gauze she patches my loss,
What an epiphany...

Abysmal Atmosphere

Take hold of the atmosphere,

Breathe in the tears of the sky,

Exhale the beautiful day so clear,

All concerns left in the yesterday,

For now is the moment to live,

Anticipating for what the future may say,

Left in the dust to rust,

Thus the love beyond lust,

Gliding above the endless seas,

Arriving upon opportunities to seize,

Taking control of more than the eye sees,

Atmospheric pressures exceeding what one believes,

Burdened by the highs and lows,

Swiftly goes the joy happiness shows,

Such a gorgeous world,

Heckled are those,

Possessing a pessimistic and negative swirl,

Stirring up a mix of ugly glows,

Masked are the vast reaches of the atmosphere,

For the sky is not the limit,

Up, up, and away is the cheer,

Chanting melodies of the soul found within it,

A battle lost but victory I will soon get,

Glaring down on the Earth,

As a blank stare plagues the face appearing moonlit...

They say the sky's the limit,

But I wish to surpass it.

Ascending through the atmosphere,

I hope to one day rest in peace with the stars.

Opposites Alike

Never ending strings are tied,

Placing loops around my better half,
Leaving behind tainted tears previously cried,
Revealing stern expressions forming a laugh,
Silently shouting thoughts into a mental mic,
Thinks the man who attracts all opposites alike,


Innocent cries slowly heard, 
Hear the baby fuss,
Falling short of grace from the Word,
I'm like Holy dirt or maybe angel dust,
Meaningless meanness struck by polite,
Enlightened is the man stuck in opposites alike,


Walking backwards into eternity,
Finding it's lost secrets,
Searching for what I'll learn to be,
Simply draining my destiny through life's faucets,
Stranded in the middle of everywhere,
Not quite,
Will the negative pass me there,
Arriving amongst the same opposites alike...


Shocking emotions electrocute until I'm unsurprised,
Burning fuses of intelligence, igniting stupidity,
As time decides to cut off all delights,
Testing depths of my clever and it's fluidity,
Streaming my gloomy daze into bright nights,
Shining down upon the disgraced face,
For opposites are alike...

Opposites attract, and therefore are joined as one.

They're so different, yet alike in every way.

They strengthen each other's weaknesses.

Opposites are destined to be together, until the ending of infinity has been discovered.

Euphoric Utopia

The future's past is now present,

Lucid dreams are cast off the moon's crescent,

Shaped so elegantly, draped is my cape,

Gliding through winds of Utopia,

Plotting my great escape,

Interstellar intensity forms my nebula,

Clouds laced with stardust,

Hallucinating the galaxy's internal formula,

Whilst viewing bursts of a solar flare,

Striking lights too bright to bear,

All eyes on me like a global glare,

As the universe stops to stare,

Pausing reality for a moment,

Leading to happiness much less torment,

Just as the stress-filled mind lays dormant,

Finally at one with thy self,

Invisible to actuality,

The pulse thumps in stealth,

Echoing its final act,

Leaving behind no time to react,

For this split second of eternal joy has ended,

Ceased is the imaginary adventure Utopia has pretended...

The Insane

A little crazy much,
Embrace the other side of life,
Simply through insanity's touch,
Step my foot in the door,
And fall face forward,
In timeless space I adore,
Hearing your thoughts,
As you speak to me your every word...

Reality is beneath me,
Exploring infinity as I climb,
The light so bright, so white,
I edge it up in every line,
Ready to leave, so ready to go,
Help put my spirit at ease,
You kick the chair,
With my neck I'll play the rope,
Immediately brought back to my senses,
As the universe magnetically paints my world,
Filling heartless emotions with hope,
Right before the ceremony commences,
Leaving trails of faith formerly swept to sidelines,
Silently sitting out of bounds like the benches...

Awaiting the forever long sensation,
Call it intoxication proclamation,
While mental images race ahead,
Avoiding a crash,
Paving the road to brain dead,
About to lose it for happiness to be found,
Scared to think because delirium has come around...

Guess I'll use my left this time,

Because it appears that I'm losing my right mind,

Craziness in its simplest form,
Last statement for your mind to soar,
I've come face to face with my true self...
In a breathtaking parallel universe once before...

This is...

The Insane...

Open your mind & broaden your imagination.
Do not be afraid, you just might like it.
Or
You may fall in a ditch of insanity like me.

Bon Voyage

You are the Earth,
And I,
The endless sky,
Forever shining,
Upon these bright blue eyes,
The clouds are what I blush,
No shade of red,
Only an infinite pigment as we touch,
Forevermore as we soar,
Beyond eternity,
Through a door for our love galore,

Bon Voyage...

The ground shakes,
Until my face goes numb,
As our eyes mate,
We are lost at crossroads in perpetuum,
Your polished beauty so pure,
Reflecting luminous colors to the maximum,
Our hearts beat in tune,
Hear the melody once in a blue moon,
So soon,
Must the end come,
My paycheck high afternoon,
You are my income,

Bon Voyage...

Riding a wave of air,
Feeling the mist of the sea,
The fish simply stop and stare,
I dare,
To leap up,
And face the sun's glare,
As it does not compare,
To the everlasting glow of your hair,
Abundantly flowing with the wind,
Clumsy me I dropped my despair,
I fall in awe struck by Lady Debonair,

Bon Voyage...

Submerged words urge resurgence,
Of hidden emotions now surfaced,
Float to forever whilst holding the grin,
Smiles of joy seal a heartwarming letter sent,
Received it is,
Thoroughly read but 'tis,
The moment in time we share,
Far more than common,
Yes tremendously rare,
Wounded by Cupid's arrow,
But merely a mirage,
Not quite falling to the likes of the bluff,
Love securely shipping us over the rough,
As our souls peacefully chant...

Bon Voyage...

We are eternally bound together like the Earth and the sky.

The only thing that comes between our love,

Is life itself.

Wild Blue Yonder

Why, oh why,

Must I live to die,

Hysteria teases the mind,

Far away my thoughts shy,

Freedom of hatred,

View the train ahead,

All aboard the locomotive,

Destination heaven,

The informed arrival,

Of the unforsaken,

Newly seen beings,

The mistaken humility,

Dreams as quote clouds,

As the cause of my tranquility,

Star dust trickling down my robe,

Facial expressions broadly immense,

Overshadowing the intense view of the globe,

Clock hands patiently ticking,

Every thirty minutes for an episode,

The hope I keep gripping,

What's left to hold,

The make-up artist of the brain,

Awaits immortal men upon the threshold,

Leading to a heartfelt beat,

Seeking sounds waves for frequency,

Frequently resulting in supreme indecency,

Peaks of the most high,

Greets unworldly acts beyond the close sky,

A fall from bountiful clouds,

Monitoring the length of the dive,

Hesitation of fear struck in the night,

Deprivation of a tear cried in life,

Now or forever hold your peace,

The buy of the century,

Housed delusions bring forth the illusions,

Yearning for departure of the leash,

As the present presents itself with confusion,

Using what's gained from losing for soothing,

Spectacular intact pillars,

Created to stand tall,

For all blinded givers,

Breaching holes through infinity,

Revealing life's mystery,

Simply through my affinity,

High grade attraction,

Forms nourishment for high grade distraction,

Sigh in darkness,

Soon the doom will remove shade from my gloom,

The negative shall plan to squander,

Less stress earned from permanent rest,

Dispatching my arrow into the wild blue yonder...

Mayday

Gracefully gathering thoughts together,

Pressure from above the stormy weather,

Hence the sharpness of my clever,

Drifting down slowly like a few feathers,

Unsteady from the mental tremors,

In response the brain severs,

The never's,

Said success for me couldn't be,

Quite possibly,

I see through thick & thin easily,

Dare not dwell on a loss,

The cerebrum feeds off eternal chaos,

When the sight is lost,

As the snow falls,

Juggle the anguish and toss,

A mile high in the sky,

Bitten but save me from the frost,

Barrel away from the beryl gray,

To a new day,

Where the sun has more to say,

A place when time doesn't delay,

Nor does a friend decide to betray,

But lay by your side,

Instead of dashing behind a tree to hide,

But glide,

On the surface of eminence,

A period of high rank,

Seeing a virgin soul in innocence,

Prepare to walk the plank,

Simply when taken advantage of,

The push and the shove,

Comprising of,

More than the eye can see,

In addition to love from the beloved,

Now hover,

Unto the plateau,

Of forever never-ending,

Anonymously suspending,

In-air ideas to grow,

To show,

Just as to display,

But lay low,

As surprise attacks lead to dismay,

Surrender it all,

Some of what they say,

The distress calls,

So my spirit yells Mayday, Mayday, Mayday...

Mayday derives from the French venez m'aider or m'aidez meaning "come (and) help me"