Behind A Smile

[Verse 1:]
Heck with the man to be,

Secular family,

Never was glad too,

Heather was the last beau,

Heaven is way past due,

Sevens appear in the eye,

Gamble before my cup spews hatred into the eye,

Please leave with sky,

Cruise the ozone or moan groan in bed with the lady by my side,

And by the tide I ride a wave a mile high

as soon as I ride by my high kicks into gear five,

That's wild,

But what's not anymore,

Not many adore what I do have,

Laugh at me but fear badly my wrath,

Glad to be the one in the sun,

Rays of light widen my sight,

And the seconds it takes to realize I'm alive,

One and I'm done,

You hide and you run,

Sigh from the smoke in the eye blasted from the barrel of a gun,

Enjoy my body of work,

Boy in the body of a smirk

[Chorus:]
If I passed away,
What have I done,
Leave a mark on this earth,
Before you are gone,
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile
Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 2:]
In my bedroom reintroducing pill to mouth,
Spilled it out,
The depression session lived on a cloud,
It's too bad when everyone hates and runs
With the wrong impression of you and then favorites one son,
I'm done son,
But tear up from memories of pops telling me to "run son",
"Fuck it and smile" is the motto chosen,
Hoping to open what was spiked in my bottle of poison,
I'm through searching,
Grew hurting,
Thoughts of running in traffic,
A vehicular homicide habit,
I can't have it,
My dreams were lost when the devil entered my brain and stabbed it,
C'mon boy what happened?
Initially was positivity found in the trash bin,
It's a has been,
So these lethal thoughts I stay clapping,
Put the boy to sleep and start napping,
I'm done rapping

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

No one sees the pain behind a smile

No one sees the pain behind a smile

[Verse 3:]

No more hatred, I'm tired of the fake shit,

Hard to swim when your mind has a dirty lake in it,

But-

Do not drown, move your arms around,

Fatigue hits when you follow others 

But what happens when the lead quits?

None other than fear,

Being weird is so important to me,

But if you press it, it will press you into horrid reality,

Take a trip into my conscience,

Yeah, luck is a bitch

Because I'm the only one she's not sleeping with,

Excuse me miss, riddle me this,

Why is the golden child snoring in a pitch black crib?

Come one come all is the statement yearned,

And "I love you all" is it simply placed in laymen's terms,

The main concern,

Am I dreaming or living?

Well it takes a life to dream

So I'm living out my dreams,

Still, it's not what it seems,

Get money by any means

But that's not what my faith believes,

Hope this bad day decides to leave

[Chorus:]

If I passed away,

What have I done,

Leave a mark on this earth,

Before you are gone,

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

Nobody sees the pain behind a smile

[Outro:]

A smile can be good or bad...

But you only see the good smile...

It's hard to live this thing called life,

Just don't give up

I've been faced with that decision...

I hope this helps anyone through any difficult situation

they're in...at least you know mine now.

[p.s. I so want to record me rapping this over 

a Charles Hamilton beat]

~

Hey Jah...It's Joshua

Many say I have a talent for writing,

Professors say I'm adequate...

It's whatever...

Well...

You already know what's in my head,

But consider this a gift from me to you...

It's my way of complaining in beautifully written words.

When I get to see you as I awake from that deep sleep,

I want to read it to you...

It probably won't matter then...

Thanks for all you've done

It surely isn't looked over.

Joshua Stowers,

Much love...

The Cosmos

I live with the cosmos,

Dreaming aloud with my eyes closed,

This is so real, there's no fakin',

Astounded by the cosmos like I'm Carl Sagan

Cosmos, This is,

The Cosmos,

And God knows,

How everything goes

Hit the books - and I'm paid,

Half upfront, Half upon mastering,

Are you really that insane?

Last thing you should ask the king,

Never ever referencing is what I mean,

I clean ya scene just like ammonia,

Walking on a dream seems just like I'm on ya,

Travel around the world with the green stankonia,

Outkast, you outlast all things about the past,

Yell it out loud,

Can you hear me know,

Hear it from the ground on up to the clouds,

Still it makes no sound like the angels in sight,

Despite the fact that I just might,

Toss my sins in a pot, stir it up, call it "what I like",

Time leaves me ticked off,

How you fig, smoke a cig when I'm pissed off,

And I'm gone...

I live with the cosmos,

Dreaming aloud with my eyes closed,

This is so real, there's no fakin',

Astounded by the cosmos like I'm Carl Sagan

Cosmos, This is,

The Cosmos,

And God knows,

How everything goes

I

Tie up my shoes,

Slip knot, top notch,

What else I have to lose,

I hop scotch my words to the end of time,

Tic toc, clock stop, times up,

Guns never pop,

Lungs never flop,

Inhale the essence,

Letter L keep my high as a blessing,

Not the white clouds but I'll be sure to reign,

Not quite loud, but I scream, I'm insane,

Not a rapper but I write a lot,

Never writer's block,

And I use my mind to plot,

Even if it is all I got,

I be sky high call it space time,

You can check the hater list,

You can't find my face call it face-find,

Like my shoe strings tied so I lace mine,

So you think you are the king,

But I'm better call it ace high,

Cuz I...

I live with the cosmos,

Dreaming aloud with my eyes closed,

This is so real, there's no fakin',

Astounded by the cosmos like I'm Carl Sagan

Cosmos, This is,

The Cosmos,

And God knows,

How everything goes

This is completely just for fun. I was definitely bored and decide to write this.

Apparently I'm not a rapper; I'm a poet.

So it may be horrible, but don't clown me. Lol

I was just messing around!

For those of you who don't know who Carl Sagan is, he was an incredible astronomer.

He was a genius with a profound mind.

He fell in love with the cosmos.

He was amazed by God's creations: Earth, The Planets,

Stars, Galaxies, The Universe.

But, I believe he was an atheist.

I absolutely love his quotes, videos, documentaries, etc.

I am a fan of his.

So, in a way, this is my dedication to him.

Sadness In August

I took the dark out the night, and threw it at the day...

Day...

Now that shit is grey...

Grey...Hey...

They never listen to me, don't know what to say...

Say...

It's sadness in August, all the way to May...

May...Hey...

It was all in my head,

The pain cuts deep,

So my thoughts bled,

But the opposite of red,

The sky is light blue,

But my face is dark blue,

My heart beats slow,

What I see is slow,

Because my eyes seem to look low,

I keep it solo,

My mind screams so loudly,

But they can't hear it though,

Like a slight whisper,

Watch the devil slither,

Shower you with kisses,

Stabs you in the back,

Listen to his hisses,

I sleep with his Mrs.

Mary Jane,

Watch out,

She has many sisters,

Head to the sky,

Become one with the music,

And wonder why...why

I took the dark out the night, and threw it at the day...

Day...

Now that shit is grey...

Grey...Hey...

They never listen to me, don't know what to say...

Say...

It's sadness in August, all the way to May...

May...Hey...

Stumble with the blocks of life,

It's hard to build them,

My brain has outlines,

No color,

So I fill it in,

At it again,

Blink these eyes of mine,

For me to see,

It takes longer than time,

Hear me now,

My voice rhymes,

Swings in the summer breeze,

Like wind chimes,

Yet so silent,

Similar to mimes,

And I'm amused,

By the bliss of music,

Like muse,

Hysteria,

I am going insane,

My brainless mind frame,

But who's to blame,

Feelings are alike,

Like the same,

Because...

I took the dark out the night, and threw it at the day...

Day...

Now that shit is grey...

Grey...Hey...

They never listen to me, don't know what to say...

Say...

It's sadness in August, all the way to May...

May...Hey...

May I Borrow Your Ears For A Second?

I used to cut the nite lite on,
Now I cut the light bulb on,
In my head, where my thoughts reside,
I dare you to come inside,
You'll be lost like the roller coaster ride that flew off to the side,
And you can't say that I didn't warn you because I just tried,
My poetry is sick, so real, so ill, like flu - "ah-choo",
And don't test dude cuz he know's not what he do,
He's so blue like the sky,
But not clear and I know why,
Always thought it would be easy,
Told to use ya head, shoot for stars, since like the age of three,
That's what my father instilled in me,
And now it's so real to be,
Doing something better, still makin' cheddar,
And doing it legally,
Now people lookin' all jealous,
Wishing they were straight in the head,
Man this is ridiculous,
Thou shall not cut with the morning wood,
Keep that in mind when I start to thinkin' I should -
Commit the seventh,
Then it's one step closer to the opposite of heaven,
I have many dislikes but never any hate,
This downfall will be over Sooner Than Later - no Drake,
Drizzy Rogers,
You don't know who to look up to because you know not who your father is,
Do you and never do them,
You'll shine bright like a diamond or something like a gem,
But you won't know when or where,
It's neither here or there,
And when it finally hits you,
They all begin to stop and stare...

Solo

Smooth like Mohammad Ali,
I keep it movin' through Jersey,
Faced against the shotty,
Me movin' is not likely,
Cuz I'm highly about me you see,
I'm so high you could probably kite me,
But I remembered you're not a killer or a G,
So the battles you will flee,
Now see,
I really shouldn't be behind you,
Cuz you're clearly out of mind,
Mind you,
My mental is what I'm in to,
Nothing less, shoot for Kings just like Sacramento,
Supplemental is the flow, you gotta get with some,
My pinnacle is the floor that I erected from,
Listen closely,
Or you'll lose your life quick-fast, not even over cash,
In the middle of ransom,
Now sing the anthem,
I am what you call Man at his best...and some...
This is who I be, I keep it solo, I am one...

Won't Do

For me, no...
One won't do it, two is not enough for me,no
One won't do, two is not enough for me, no
One won't do it, two is not enough for me, no
One won't do...

Now this here is my official tribute,
All Dilla, fuck the skrilla, man I contribute,
Pay my dues, you never know just what you could lose,
Any and all that means the most to you,
Well I got new news, I sit here and write about my blues,
Problems and stress got me confused,
So I burn out the blunt just like a fuse,
Listen to my rhymes - the 1's & the 2's,
I drop several clues,
Maybe you will finally comprehend & decipher all of my views,
Step out of reality, sort the false & the trues,
Tears flow about what I don't like - the "boo-hoo's",
Flew through school, still don't know the why's & who's,
Never lose,
What you have or you'll be long gone like the ave.
I spazz - out,
Sometimes my days are black, opposite of a cloud,
I scream loud,
But nobody hears or wants to,
Try to have patience & see what my life comes to,
I run through my days struck in amaze,
Stuck in a phase, try to stack my chips up like Lays,
Just in case,
I walk right in the light at a steady pace,
Awaiting my time to blow up, I got my "ready face",
Put the cards up, show ya bluff, I got an ace,
I keep my thoughts untangled like shoes unlaced,
Placed on this earth, in the middle of this search,
I sit on the ground tryna understand my worth,
I wonder if this is all worth - it?
New thoughts, new ideas, so I birth - it,
Hate to go to this job but I work - it,
I'll make a beat sound complete so I hurt - it,
Per - fect,
Is my flow when you hear it,
But I give you pieces of my art so I leak it,
Speak it,
The realness of my poetry, that is,
But I lay still on the ground like a doormat is,
Format this,
Take what you hear & do what you please,
Come face to face with your fears & put them at ease...

For me, no...
One won't do it, two is not enough for me,no
One won't do, two is not enough for me, no
One won't do it, two is not enough for me, no
One won't do...

I love H.E.R.
Just as Common said,
Dilla was a genius and left his work in this world.
Hopefully this sound will be reborn and receive the appreciation it so deserves.

R.I.B. J Dilla aka Jay Dee
(Rest In Beats)

Then Love Me

I never let 'em get to me,

Maybe if I followed them they would truly see,

The better side of me....

The boy that only wanted to belong; Is that so damn wrong?

But no that's not the case,

Sometimes I wanna run and never ever show my face....

But my mind is out wandering, wandering, wandering

But my family is staring and watching, watching, watching

If you gonna love me, then love me

Don't leave me waiting patiently outside,

If you gonna be down then we can take that ride....

If you gonna love me, then love me

Wanna be appreciated and never hated,

But can that be?

Only if I could see....

If you gonna love me, then love me....

Didn't like me because I acted too White,

Only 9 - What the fuck was I supposed to think, right?

Maybe I'll call a girl a bitch, then I'd fit in....

Never do that because she's the one I want to spend my life with....

I see women as beautiful and not objects,

And I'll still wife you up even with no assests....

But I'm still trying to understand, understand, understand

I guess this is what it takes to be a man, man, man

If you gonna love me, then love me

Don't leave me waiting patiently outside,

If you gonna be down then we can take that ride....

If you gonna love me, then love me

Wanna be appreciated and never hated,

But can that be?

Only if I could see....

If you gonna love me, then love me....

My friends were always there, but more importantly my family was there with that unconditional love. When left out, they brought me in. I'm not trying to take an oath, but I will say I'm disliked by many yet loved by most.

In My Dreams

Scared to doze off cuz imma nightmare dreamer type,
Eyes wide open wonder why I can't sleep at night;
Sit on the curb lost, pondering my thoughts, will I die from my fears;
So the herb in my lungs, I gotta cough, the sound of the world in my ears;
Can't seem to catch up, so time drives by,
It's hard to keep my head up, so my eyes cry,
Some smoke up, just to float up, and see the stars;
Moving at the speed of light, just touched down in Mars;
The weight of the world on my shoulder's, try and lift me;
This is too trippy, like walking at night and the trees speak wit me;
Spit over beats sickly, throw a quick fit the heats in me cuz the 5th in me;
You hear me, I don't know where the hell I'm heading, so please steer me;
You fear me, everything from my shoes on up to where my ears be;
But they don't hear me,
Rather lay deaf alone than listen to a fucking symphony;
This makes no sense to me, you dudes is past tense to me;
I'm better off Peter Parker, spider sensory;
Never lost sight of the top, but I live the lesser see
I wasn't familiar with this thing called life, or what it means;
So I lose touch with reality and tell you what I saw in my dreams....