"The Somber Side"

~

It has arrived - Joshua's darker days

Funny thing is, no one even new these day were lived.

Not even family.

Time to take a trip to the somber side of my mind....

There's no turning back.

Is there water, which would explain this beautiful reflection?

Or is it a steep fall shielded by a glamorous illusion?

Well I thought it to be a beautiful view of a lake, so I walked closer to the "water".

My mind played a trick on me, or was it my naked eye?

I wonder if I clothed my eye would I then be able to see past reality.

As I got closer to the "water" I tripped over one of life's hurdles and

fell, as I was now apart of a steep fall.

This is where my life begins its detour.

Reality slapped me and opened my eyes to a much darker scenery.

I felt lost, terrified, worried, and even anger was felt.

I tend to think it's the end of the world when the simplest things

happen to me, but this here was not simple in the slightest bit.

So imagine how I reacted.

Abandonment, a sense of aloneness, and the cry of fear was 

heard all around my own little world in my bedroom.

Too bad the door was always closed so nobody could hear or see.

Left with 2 paths to take: Staying positive or having late-night rendezvous

with evil thoughts.....

I chose to flirt around for a bit.

Oddly gorgeous, right?

But it scared the living daylight right out of me, literally.

Psychedelic visions, dreams, and imaginary voices

were some of the effects of choosing to "flirt around".

During this euphoric adventure of mine, I had incredible and intense

dreams - some with messages, some just for pleasure.

One night, all ready to dream beautifully again, my conscience

abused this mental gift and it took a wrong turn.

Under a sweet spell, on my break from reality, I began to dream.....

A nightmare:

I'm randomly in an immense building or factory with 2 of my 3 brothers.

All of a sudden, a screeching loud alarm goes off and we're told to

evacuate because a huge hurricane was heading our way.

People were rushing out of this building so fast, so I looked back to find my brothers.

I only saw one.

I began to panic and told my youngest brother to stay right here

and don't move.

I promise you I'm coming back.

I ran to find my other brother, sprinting up staircases and staircases,

until I reached the top floor.

I couldn't find him.

So I leaped from the platform to a tall pole.

The distance between the platform and this pole had to be about 10 yards.

I made it to the pole and climbed to the top of it.

I slowly and carefully turned around to get a better view

of the building, still in search of my brother.

Then, I saw a gigantic screen hanging from the ceiling.

The screen had a little weather ticker at the bottom

of it like most news stations have when something tragic

has happened.

This is what it read, "List of people deceased: Tommy Jackson,

Charles Brown, Jared Stowers, Vincent Lopez.

My missing brother's name is Jared.

I began to tear up heavily, crying out and shouting the Lord's name

in anger. I said, "Jesus Christ why didn't you take me? It's not fair. I will

die for any member of my family. Why would you take him? I guess I'm supposed to

move on and maintain faith, right?"

I climbed down the pole and ran back to my youngest brother,

only to see my missing brother standing next to him from afar.

My heart stopped racing and the tears stopped trickling down my face.

I hugged my brother and asked where he was.

He said, "I was looking for you guys".

My brothers and I then left the building together alive.

After the nightmare, I woke up with tears on my pillow.

Who would plant such a terrible vision in my head?

Maybe it was those evil thoughts and my true, inner soul

deflected those thoughts with the good in me.

Possibly, it showed God how I would actually react in a panic situation like that.

I don't know, I can guess at it all day.

Through these images of my mind, months have passed and I 

attempted to "stay positive".

That doesn't mean it was easy.

More time passed and I noticed I still had opportunities to

get out of this sad period in time.

I decided to walk in that little beam of light.

I know, my mind is highly active.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

"The Sunlit Side"

~

As we all know, we go through changes in life - physically and mentally.

I've never been tall but my mind is about 7'2, 330 pounds.

So I've created an illustrative timeline of my mental growth.

These are visions of my brain throughout my years...

And this is "The Sunlit Side" of Joshua...

As a little boy I always thought with such bright colors.
I was a home-bodied kid, meaning I was well sheltered by my parents.
I loved to fit in with the other children but always managed to think of some very different,
complex ways of doing my times tables. Hmm.. odd.

As I grew older into my junior high school days, I had a tighter grip
on who I actually was. In my mind I had found myself. So, I took the mind frame I was
previously in and simply defined it. Still, I wasn't always accepted by a group
of unfamiliar people called "peers" (whatever the hell those are).
Maturity begins its course on my mind.

Throughout high school I decided to switch things up: try a couple sports,
change my wardrobe, even speak a little differently. (I was still my weird self)
I just wanted change. So when one desires a new environment/lifestyle, what is he or she to do?
Instead of drawing my pictures with crayons & color pencils, I switched to the dreaded paint brush.
I received mixed responses to this so-called "change". I don't even think many noticed.
Maturity was placed on hold for an immature change to settle in.

And here I am now, trapped in the ever so clever and well-rooted mind you see here.
It's beautiful isn't it? I just wish others could see it. I went back to my roots (my crayon & colored pencil days)
and threw away that paintbrush, which I eventually saw in the top drawer of my dresser a year ago.
But that's another story. (Part 2?) Anyway, I picked up some great hobbies.... one of which
you have a front row seat to view right now. I finally found myself and it took many years to find. With that said,
I could never be somebody I'm not because I've battled
with myself for too long. It would be a self-inflicted slap in the face.

"The Somber Side" of Joshua will soon be told at a later time.

For now bask in the luminous, positive visions of my mind.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Ciara Desert

~

And here I am,

Stranded in the middle of this desert,

Let's pretend,

That her subtle voice isn't the reason we flirt,

Her conversation stirs up sandstorms in my head,

Nonetheless,

These words she speak seek to relieve my stress,

The dullness in my chest,

The beauty of her dress,

I imagine would reflect the gorgeousness of her face,

The exhales of my sighs,

Come after our conversation's good-bye's,

Exhausted from a parched mouth is I,

Hopefully rain showers pour in her desert,

So her wetness will stop the dry,

Let it rain, let it rain,

For a raindrop will seal this letter,

Walking through every grain of sand,

I am lost in the Ciara Desert.

~

P.S. Trash cans and vacuum cleaners are awesome. (insider)

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Divine Intimacy

~

Story time

As you may know by now, I have thee most incredible dreams.

Some silly, scary, simple, and some deeply profound... hence the subtitle of my blog.

It's weird (at least for me) how I have a dream, wake up,

and only remember certain scenes from it.

Then, hours, days, sometimes even weeks later I encounter

the strongest deja-vu feeling which triggers a full memory blast of 

this incredible dream I had.

Here's what happened in poetic words...

~

Come in, come in,

Says my eyes to the light,

Stuck in surprise by this angel's great might,

Speaking the language of music,

He proved me stupid,

For I thought not my dreams to be lucid,

His wings were immense,

Glowing face was intense,

This unusual environment

Sucked the common right out of my sense,

But still no fear was felt,

As he ushered in an extraordinary friend

Of his to provide some help,

I was frightened yet knew I couldn't be hurt,

So his friend took my hand and I lost my shirt,

The angel's friend was female,

And she fell directly from heaven

Because her beauty would softly kiss my neck and....

We expressed our love on a cloud

And her moans were high-pitched harmonies sung aloud,

She took the gloom from my daze,

Left me in amaze,

This sonic boom could've been heard for days,

But then my angel friends spread their wings,

Drifted towards an intriguingly marvelous window,

Looked back at me in slow-mo,

Leaped through it and began to hover,

Where are you traveling my friend and my lover?

So with much hope and faith I too dove....

Right through this window....

But I fell short of grace,

Not worthy enough to soar through those heavenly gates,

And as I tumbled to the ground....

Back to reality....

I awake, deserted in the center of nature's work....

A place called Earth.

And in the midst of this,

This is what I witnessed....

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Presidential Pondering [thanks CH]

~

Hmm... I sit alone in my home and ponder my thoughts that wander in my dome,

as they are free to roam to some place far unknown... 24/7

(p.s- I love alliteration)

Some stressful, some evil, some good ...or even great.

Nonetheless, the meaning of life is man's number one most unanswerable thought...

...at least in my mind.

But then again... I'm weird like that.

You'd have to die to find an answer.

But hey.... Here's some food for thought.

{-The Offbeat Human-}

Big Sean x Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang)

Big Sean - Too Fake (Ft. Chiddy Bang) from illRoots.com on Vimeo.